New Westminster, BC– Despite it being the norm, a local New Westminster maple tree has outright refused to regrow its leaves this Spring in a desperate attempt to raise awareness for overworked trees.
The tree, having provided shade, shelter and oxygyn for years has decided that it will no longer be just another tree with “Mike loves Sam” carved into its bark. The rebellious campaign, dubbed “Treet Equally,” has recieved mixed emotions in the case that, obviously people need to breath.
“I think its being really selfish, I mean if you think about it, we depend on it for our survival,” said Desmond Alloy an avid shade seeker. “It gets crazy hot in the summer, what are we as a people supposed to do if trees all over refuse to provide for us?”
But not all are opposed to the tree’s decision, in fact, some welcome it as they feel tree’s have been given the short end of the stick. “I’ve been trying for years to make people see that tree’s deserve to live freely like us,” said Fiona Marybell, a tree hugger and liberator. “Like my father before me, I will stand beside our Earthly friends in this battle. I guess you can say the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree,” Marybell added with an outrageous laugh. “Which by the way belongs to the tree so people are also stealing from them.”
Despite being gawked, cursed and spat at, the tree, which has requested to be called “T” has stood its ground and has only recently opened up to provide comments to the general public noting on its Twitter account; “To all of you who have tried to shut me down, no forest fire is big enough to burn this soul baby.”
“I respect his stand, I really do, I hate him for it because that’s the tree I always go to in the Summer,” said Mike Connors, someone who apparently lost their virginity under that tree. “Does this have something to do with Global Warming?” Connors added confused and distraught.
“If people are so worried about not having shade in the Summer, uh hello, stupid, you have a house, sit inside for once,” T said to reporters. “And for the breathing thing…I’ll see what I can work out.”
T is expected to give a speech to the public on Monday April 23 at his regular spot.